


Love me away (until I'm not completely sane)

by Mikhailov



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Asphyxiation, Choking, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I dont know how to tag, M/M, Messy, Post-Resident Evil 7, Resident Evil - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry, What am I doing, there's no real plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 14:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19929502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikhailov/pseuds/Mikhailov
Summary: Leon is a pretty normal guy, sure he kills zombies and occasionally saves the world, but eventually, after settling down, his need for perfection, his need to be perfect tends to spike at times.It's a good thing his boyfriend is so understanding to something neither of them truly understand.





	Love me away (until I'm not completely sane)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this is inspired by a Vocaloid song, and yes, I know the lyrics aren't in order and I'm sooooo sorry for that. It's just easier to have them placed sporadically throughout the story to go along with Leon's unstable mood.
> 
> I'm still new with Leon and Chris, so if they're out of character sorry for that too ahhh. This isn't my best writing, and it's wayyyy out of my comfort zone, so I'm sorry if it's,,, not amazing but I tried haha 
> 
> Also, as a precursor, the italic text with "" around them are Leon's thoughts and not lyrics of the song.

_Love me I say, love me away_

_until I'm not completely sane._

~~~~

The hands around his neck almost seem comfortable, fitting almost, most definitely deserving. This is what he deserves. He wasn't good enough. He'd failed. He'd never been good, he'd never been enough. He'd been so good, and it still hadn't been enough. And here he was, in a brawl, he wasn't entirely sure if he had started or not. Here he was fighting some man who would most likely win. Here he was _losing_ to a fight he should have been able to take. The grip on his neck tightened and he couldn't help the small whimper of pain that slipped past his lips. How could he let himself get into this position? It's embarrassing. He could had avoided this.

He could be better. 

He kicked and thrashed in the grip of the hands around his neck, digging his nails into the skin, growling and hissing, trying his best. He needed to get away. He would do his best, he would get praise for successfully getting away, for surviving. He could always be better, but it was never enough. A never-ending torture session within his mind. A never-ending need to be better. Nothing he did seemed to feed his hunger. Nothing could ever satisfy his need to be perfect. he had tried to get used to that, that he was doing what he could, that he was doing everything in him and that that was enough. But the collar, as he liked to call it, was never okay with that. It always wanted more. To be perfect. To be loved.

Straining his neck, he bit down into the hands around his neck, no matter how deserving they felt there, he would not let himself go down this way. There'd be no improvement after that. Someone screamed, he didn't hear it as the hands pulled away, another voice adding to the screaming. He hated it.

The body of his attacker loomed above him, everyone seemed to tower over him nowadays, he had long since given up getting better there. 

_Don't get caught again. That is unacceptable_

No sounds reaches his ears as he rushed the newcomer instead, moving with insane speed and grace. He moves too quickly for the other man, getting up to him before the other man can even bring his hands up, and his fist makes contact with the man's cheek. The crack from the impact is the only sound that gets to him. A wide, crazy smile break the firm line his mouth was in, and he cackles. 

_None of you can stop it now_

The newcomer staggers back, not even trying to fight before he's on his back, hands at his throat. He screams, but for a moment, there's no sound. No sound but the roaring of his blood. He can’t even see properly. His vision is blurring at the edges, it’s shaking. If he doesn’t know any better, he’d think he was going to pass out. 

There are hands around those he had around the other man’s neck, warm, gentle hands, not fighting, just cupping, and a voice finally breaks his facade, snapping him from his daze. 

Then, all at once, it crashes back down.

"Leon!" 

Chris- 

Leon staggers backwards, scrambling off his him, eyes wide and his whole body shaking, what had he done? How could he have- Leon let out a broken sound, his hands coming up to his own throat, the touch ghosting against his skin, and he falls to his knees. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. What had he done? He had hurt him. The only man to truly understand him, the only man that was at his side no matter, and he had hurt him. Oh god. He would be alone now. Chris would hate him, he would hate him. He would hate- 

Some sort of dry sob forced itself past his lips and he bit his lip. He could feel it, his hands there, threatening to curl around his neck, not with deadly intent, but gently, as if cupping a jewel that rests right in front of his Adam's apple, like a choker. His self-consciousness, his self-loathing curls around him like a blanket, it curls around his neck like a choker, choking him, wanting more love. The choker demands he's the best. It demands it, orders it, screams for it. _Give me more and more, take it all for us. It's not enough. More, more, more. We'll be happy ___

__Leon's about to scream, his head tilting back, throat constricting as he opens his mouth, but someone stops him._ _

__"Leon," Chris says, hands gently but firmly gripped around his own, which are still around his neck._ _

___Love me away, until I'm not completely sane ____ _

____Leon lets Chris pull his hands away from his neck and once he's done that, he quietly brings one hand up and brushes away the tear that's rolling down his cheek. Leon blinks. Had been crying? He hadn't even known. He wasn't necessarily too surprised, however. He was also more sensitive and prone to completely breaking down when he was like this. He had to stop. Had to stop being like this. He can't allow himself to keep being like this, least Chris leave him._ _ _ _

____"Chris I-" he starts, but stops. What can he say? 'I'm sorry' doesn't even begin to cover it. Does it? Chris probably hates him. He had tried to choke him. He doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know the proper words to say. He can't even get an apology right. He'll never be enough. He will never be what others want. He will never be enough for Chri-_ _ _ _

____"Are you okay, Leon?" Chris' voice snaps him away from his mind. He blinks again. Oh, who is he kidding? He is everything Chris needs. It doesn't matter if he were on the brink of death, Christopher Redfield would always love Leon. S. Kennedy, no matter how much of a disaster he is._ _ _ _

____It doesn't take Leon's answer for Chris to know he isn't, but when Leon whispers a quiet no, he knows Chris appreciates it anyway._ _ _ _

____"Did it act up again?" He asks softly._ _ _ _

____"Pretty badly, as you can see." Leon's voice is barely audible, but he couldn't find the effort to be loud. Chris doesn't seem to mind. Why would Chris mind? He never has beforehand... He’s only ever been supporting and nice_ _ _ _

____"You're okay and that's what matters."_ _ _ _

____"What are we gonna do about... him," Leon says, ignoring what Chris said completely and giving a half-hearted shrug to the man who had attacked him. Or had he started it? He didn't know._ _ _ _

____"Let him stay there. He'll be fine." Chris shrugs._ _ _ _

_____"You can't even be a decent person, prop him upright. Pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic-"_ _ _ _ _

____"Come on, let's go home. You can tell me the harrowing adventure of how you ended up here on the way back, yeah?" Chris says pulling Leon up so he's standing with him, and Leon can't help but laugh._ _ _ _

____"Shush." He murmurs. Chris grins and wraps an arm around Leon, who leans into the touch._ _ _ _

_______________ _ _ _

____When it comes to Chris Redfield, Leon is pretty sure he struck gold with him._ _ _ _

____He's so understanding no matter what's going on, he doesn't complain about much, puts up with all of Leon's mood swings, doesn't get angry when he wants time alone, and he loves him. He really does. He doesn't get annoyed, or tired of Leon's constant need for reassuring that he is, in fact, loved, or the constant need for affection. If anything, he seems keen to give Leon absolutely everything he wants, no matter what._ _ _ _

____He's a great listener too, Leon's found._ _ _ _

____Whether it's listening to him complain about his day, something he had to do, or if it's midnight and Leon woke him up quickly, a strange kind of look in his eyes to explain what's wrong with him, Chris will listen to him, and he'll always reassure him._ _ _ _

____He's not perfect, neither he or Chris are. They're both far from perfect, especially Leon, but they're both trying and he finds that's what matters._ _ _ _

____So, laying in bed with Chris half curled, half draped over him as they watch Tv, he can't necessarily complain about his little problem that acts up every now and again, because whenever it does, Chris is there for him._ _ _ _

____"Leon?" Chris asks, sleepy. He's been drifting in and out of sleep for a while now, Leon doesn't stop him because they both need their sleep and because he can play with Chris's hair all he wants when the man is asleep._ _ _ _

____"Yeah?"_ _ _ _

____"How're you feeling, how's the neck?" He asked. It's an unspoken agreement between them to not talk about what happens when Leon goes through those...times as you could call them, but Chris worrying about Leon is something he can't be angry at him for._ _ _ _

____"I'm fine," he shrugged. "Not the worst I've dealt with. And you found me, so everything's alright." He answered, trying his best to reassure Chris. There are bruises around his neck that have started to form, and neither of them are too happy about that, but there's nothing they can really do._ _ _ _

____A few minutes of silence pass, the only sounds coming from the tv and the murder documentary they're watching, some case Leon has learned by heart now because of the number of times he's seen this episode, but he doesn't mind. Chris shifted his position, moving to rest his chin on Leon's shoulder, pulling him closer with a small grunt. Leon doesn't object, he lets him pull him into his embrace._ _ _ _

____"Chris, why do you go through so much trouble for me?" Leon asked softly, he knew the answer, just as much as Chris knew this question, but he still asked it anyway._ _ _ _

_____Love me I say_ _ _ _ _

____"Because I love you, Leon."_ _ _ _

____Leon doesn't know how many times he's made Chris say that, but Chris never seemed annoyed to have to say it. He always seemed to mean it more and more, more than he already had, the more Leon asked him. Leon smiled softly and closed his eyes._ _ _ _

____"You do?"_ _ _ _

____Chris chuckled and pulled him closer, wrapping both arms around him, and tugged the blanket up a little, up to their knees. He looked Leon in the eyes, smiling at him before moving to rest his chin on the top of his head._ _ _ _

____"I do. So much more than you can imagine."_ _ _ _

____"Good. I love you too."_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real contribution to Resident evil and Chris and Leon, writing-wise, so don't hate me too much if things are off.
> 
> Questions, comments, concerns?  
> Leave me some! I'm always open to some feedback


End file.
